Beautiful Creatures - Margaret Stohl, Kami Garcia My brain... my poor brain... it's... slowly but surely... deteriorating. No! IQ! Please! Don't drop any more than you already have! Rain needs you!!! *IQ dropped to -298* Crap. -_-" Well, I don't need to tell you how much this book blows, right? Of course I do! Otherwise, you wouldn't be here reading this! Right? Right! Where should I start? When I first heard about this book, I was not impressed. It sounded just like every other paranormal romance out there. Long, stupid, and nauseating. So guess what I thought once I finished the book. No, go on. Guess. That's right. I thought it sucked more than the creation of FFX-2. And that's saying something considering how much balls that game sucked! This book was a complete BORE! The storyline was dull, the characters were annoyingly superficial, and I swear I've lost the feeling in my nuts from all the rehashed phrases that was used again and again throughout the entire novel. Want to know what it's like to read a book and feel like you're reading the same thing over again? Well, if you've read Fallen then you know exactly what I mean. Just think of the last time you slipped on a wet floor, slid into a coffee table, crashed into a cactus plant, fell down the stairs, and slammed right into the wall. It's THAT painful! DX

Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl... I'm going to be brutally honest here. I cannot stand their writing style. In fact, their writing style is one of the worst I have ever come across. They used the same phrases more than three times and they used the same scenario more than once, too! Ethan, our main male character, and Lena, our main female character, had the same conversation of "Oh, Ethan, we can't be together because I'm a Caster and you're a Mortal and the two can't mix because we are just making things complicated that way for no apparent reason." "But Lena! I love you! You love me! We're a happy family! And when there's true love, nothing in the entire universe can pull us apart! Do you hear me? NOTHING!!! I LOVE YOU, GIRL!" "AND I LOVE YOU, ETHAN!" at least TWENTY BLOODY TIMES in this book alone! What kind of bullshit is that? It drove me insane! This book was WAY too bloody long and the fact that Garcia and Stohl basically wrote the same crap a billion times just made it that much more excruciating. There are only TWO things I liked about this book (hence the star rating). ONE: The lore of the Casters. I did find myself enjoying that aspect of the book. The majority of the book was nothing but the stupid drama happening in the town and at school. Not to mention the stupidity of the characters. So when they introduced the truth about the Casters, I was actually intrigued for a bit. Mind you, it took more than 300 pages to finally get to the interesting parts but I digress. TWO: The Latin. I'm a language buff. Throw any language in my face and I will love you like I love donuts. (And if you know me and my love for sweet things... you'd run and hide! XD) The parts of the book that included Latin was truly fascinating for me! Mind you, they used simple Latin but it was still a language other than English or Spanish so... that counts for something, right? (I have nothing against English or Spanish, but seeing as I know both... I kinda want to see something new. ¿No le parece? Yo creo que si. *Nods*) But other than that... I begged for a piano to fall on my head to end the sheer horror of it all!

Can we talk about the main characters for a bit? Let's start with Ethan Wates. Oh, the genericness to this poor boy! He was just like all the other tools in YA history. He was perfect at everything he does, smart, pretty, and popular. Really? How come none of these people are, you know, like real people? I'm not saying that a real person can't be like that. What I'm saying: That's ALL you read about in today's books! How about a little diversity? Also, Ethan acted more like a girl than a guy and I think that's because women wrote this book. (I'm a girl, relax. I'm not being a sexist. I'm being a hater-against-all-stupid-peopleist.) I swear, the more I heard Ethan talk and rant and say how beautiful Lena was made me want to scream out "PANSY!" then barf. Speaking of Lena... how the hell is she the most gorgeous girl on the planet when she has a birthmark the size of Jupiter on the side of her face? That sounds superficial coming from me but, damn it, I don't bloody care! Birthmarks on the side of anyone's face is not pretty! It's almost as ugly as a mole! But whatever. What do I know? I'm in the minority. -_-" Let's move on to Lena's character! ... *Inhales* GOD! I FUCKING HATE THAT GIRL! WHAT A SELF-ABSORBED, SELF-HATING, STUPID, LITTLE TWIT SHE IS! *Exhales* She wants to be part of the "in crowd" and go to "parties" and be a "cheerleader" and other "normal" "teenage" "girl" "affairs." (Are you annoyed with the quotations yet?) For fuck's sake! She did nothing but whine and complain about her life. And for her to be one of the most powerful Casters (Witches! Just call them witches!!!) she was pretty lame. Letting people walk all over her. And when she finally gets "revenge" (Stop with the blasted quotations!), it's very dull and unimaginative. Sharpie? Really? Are you fucking kidding me? After all the hell they put you through, you're going to use a bloody Sharpie!? Dumbass... *Rolls eyes* There's only so much stupid I can handle... I have a very low tolerance level for stupid people and this book reminded me all over again that this is a genre I shouldn't be venturing in... but we all know I am because I believe torture is good for the soul. It builds character. Plus, I'm a masochist!

The side characters were nothing noteworthy. You have your psychic aunt, the dead parents, the weird uncle, the sick lady, the crazy cousin, and the goofy friend. Typical. By the way, the predictability to who the villain is was EXTRAORDINARY!!! As in to say, you so knew who Sarafine, said villain, was. God, how cliché was that? "Luke, I am your father" much? She also was your typical baddie. I was not impressed. (I wasn't impressed at all with this book.) >_< Now, I don't HATE the side characters. They just weren't memorable for me. Link, Ethan's best friend, took up the role of best friend... and that was it. He was nice but nothing special. Same thing for everyone else. Amma is the aunt or psychic or... whatever you want to call her of Ethan. She was... meh... she did have one thing that annoyed the fuck out of me... SHE SPELLED EVERY FUCKING THING OUT! SHE COULDN'T SAY ONE SENTENCE WITHOUT SPELLING AND GIVING THE DEFINITION OF THE BLOODY WORD! I'll give you an example:

"You are an I.G.N.O.R.A.M.U.S. As in, you're STUPID!!!"

I'm not even kidding. She talked. Just. Like. That. Okay, so she didn't say those EXACT words but she did talk with the spelling and then giving out the definitions. It was so annoying. I need to get my mallet back from the shop. I do miss smashing things to oblivion with it! Next character! Macon Ravenwood. The ONLY character I enjoyed in this book. He had such an elegance about him and, now this is going to shock you, he was smart! Le gasp, right!? No, really. I thought that a lot of what he decided to do was the correct way to go about things but since he was surrounded by so many stupids, he had no choice but to appear stupid in the end as well. Or at least, that's what the authors wanted. They even did something to him that pissed me off. The one good character and they decided to ruin it for me. *Groans* I guess I was expecting too much from this sorry excuse for a novel.

Recap! THIS BOOK BLOWS! Stay away from it! You will gain NOTHING from reading this type of book. It'll give you nightmares and make your balls fall off. (Yes, I'm talking to females as well.) Man, all these YA books that I've been reading really suck. Why can't I find a YA novel that's actually worthy of praise? It's so rare to find nowadays! I'm probably going to go back to reading adult novels or children's books because these YA books are just killing my young mind. Do you guys have any idea how difficult it is to get my brain to function properly once it's read stupid? Ugh! In any case, I shall continue with my search for an amazing YA novel as soon as I read something with substance. In the meantime, don't read this book. It's just... oi. If you're really curious then try it. Be warned: You will never be able to look at a Sharpie the same way again. Anyway, I'm leaving. I can't write anymore about this crap. See you in the next gagfest!